Regulated, Not Calm
Photo by Patrick Fore on Unsplash.
Join the Project of the Week Community!
Every Thursday, I share a simple yet powerful action, habit, or project to help you boost your health, happiness, and overall well-being.
If you’ve been enjoying the Project of the Week newsletter, I’d love your help in spreading the word! Invite your friends and family to join us on this journey—just click HERE to sign up.
Together, we can create a ripple effect of positivity and growth!
PROJECT OF THE WEEK
Regulated, Not Calm (What Robyn Gobbel taught me about stress, survival brains, and showing up anyway.)
We’ve been reading Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors by Robyn Gobbel, and let me tell you: I keep coming back to it. Not just for parenting, but for life.
One concept that’s really stuck with me lately is this idea: Regulated ≠ Calm.
It sounds so simple. But wow, has it shifted something for me.
Can You Be a Little Stressed… and Still Be Okay?
You might remember from last week’s post, we talked about the Owl Brain.
When we’re regulated, present, and thoughtful, we’re operating from our Owl Brain (the part of our brain that’s great at planning, problem-solving, and perspective). But when we get dysregulated, our owl flies away. And suddenly we’re in Watchdog Brain (fight/flight) or Possum Brain (freeze/shutdown).
So here’s the question I found myself wrestling with:
If my heart rate is up… If I’m feeling nervous before a presentation… If I’m overwhelmed by a to-do list…
Does that mean my owl has flown away?
Turns Out: Not Necessarily
Robyn Gobbel explains that you can be stressed and still regulated. You don’t have to be totally calm, zen, and peaceful to have access to your thinking brain.
You just have to be inside your window of tolerance, that sweet spot where you’re alert but not reactive, engaged but not overwhelmed.
In fact, some stress is totally normal. Helpful, even. You can feel nervous, excited, uncertain, even a little uncomfortable… and still be grounded enough to make decisions, show up, and do hard things.
That’s the power of regulated, not calm.
Getting Started
How This Shows Up in Coaching
This concept has helped me reframe how I support my clients, especially when they’re facing big, scary, or overwhelming projects.
Because yes, those tasks may bring up stress. But that doesn’t mean they’ve lost access to their owl brain. It just means we might need to support regulation while keeping momentum.
Here’s what that looks like:
Breaking projects down into smaller, doable steps instead of trying to leap into the deep end.
Getting training or guidance before diving into something new so it feels less intimidating.
Using resources and support, like office hours or coaching sessions, instead of spiraling alone in a dimly lit bedroom (yes, that’s a real image from one of my college clients, and yes, we made a plan).
We don’t need everything to feel easy. We don’t need every task to feel light. We just need to stay inside the zone where we can keep going.
The Real-Life Test: Traffic
Here’s how I’ve started thinking about it:
Let’s say someone cuts you off in traffic.
Do you fly off the handle, scream, and swerve into danger? Or do you beep, slow down, and keep yourself (and everyone else) safe?
That’s regulated, not calm.
You didn’t meditate your way through it. You didn’t smile and say, “No big deal!” You responded. You stayed present. You made choices.
That’s what we’re aiming for, at work, at home, and especially when things are hard.
Ready to Get Started?
If you're feeling excited about putting this strategy into action and could use a little extra accountability and support, the It’s All in the Planning Starter Pak is here to help! Designed to set you up for success, it’s the perfect tool to keep you on track and moving forward.
Let’s make progress together—because great results start with great planning!
A Note from Happy Spaces
Our goal is simple: to add value to your life. If you think this project will be helpful, here are some steps to set yourself up for success:
Estimate how long it will take—then double it. Giving yourself extra time helps reduce stress.
Schedule it on your calendar for the week ahead. Setting a specific date increases follow-through.
Break it up if it will take more than an hour. Tackling it in smaller steps makes it more manageable.
Make a list of every action needed before you start. A clear plan helps keep you on track.
Do what works for you—you don’t have to complete every part, just what adds value to your life.
Find an Accountability Partner—having support makes it easier to stay committed.
We understand that building new habits and systems can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. For additional support, visit HappySpacesBySarah.com and let’s make organizing and planning easier together.
Creating a life you don't need a vacation from! ®
Sincerely,
Sarah Weingarten
Meet Sarah
As the oldest of nine kids with two working parents, I grew up juggling many responsibilities at home. Organization and time management became my lifeline amidst the chaos.
I attended the Cornell Hotel School and pursued my childhood dream of working in the hospitality industry. In 2016, I launched Happy Spaces, combining my passion for structure and efficiency with helping others.
I love working with students to develop essential organizational, time management, and study skills. These skills empower them to reach their full potential, build confidence, and create a future they feel good about.