Every Thursday, I share one action, habit, or project you may want to undertake in order to improve your health, happiness, and sense of well-being.

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PROJECT OF THE WEEK

Don't Let Your Kids Fool You!

If you are a parent and you are feeling overwhelmed, you are not alone!

It's true that we have A LOT on our plates. It's true that there are only so many hours in the day. It's also true that we CAN NOT do it all.

You may be thinking that this blog is about prioritizing. While I love working on how to more effectively prioritize, that is not what we are going to focus on today. Instead, I want to talk about delegating to those little people running your household!

While there are responsibilities that fall squarely on us, as parents, there are many responsibilities that your kids can learn to do for themselves and to support the family.

The younger your kids are when you start, the easier this life lesson is.

I know when kids are young, it feels like it's more work to help them meet their responsibilities than it is to just do it yourself. In the short run, you are correct. But, if you can take the long view, it will pay off in spades!

When having the debate with yourself about how much time and energy you should devote to your kids meeting their family responsibilities, also keep in mind that your most important role as a parent is to shape your kids into kind, hard-working, and self-sufficient adults.

It may be helpful to reframe the items that you think of as "chores" and "responsibilities" as "Life Skills".

By teaching your kids to be responsible for their fair share, you will take some items off your plate, while giving them the Life Skills they need to succeed.

Last week we discussed, "Whose Job is it Anyway?" and the value of listing out ALL family responsibilities and who is taking ownership of each.

This is a great starting point.

Getting Started

Take a few moments to think about:

What items are your kids responsible for?
Are they following through on their responsibility?
What items are you responsible for that they could take over?

Below are some ideas of responsibilities that you may be able to take off your plate while teaching your child new Life Skills.

I was going to list recommended ages below, but I also know every kid is different. It's important to meet them where they are and then support them to grow. I shared this last week, too, but if you’re looking for guidance on chores by age, this feels doable for most kids.

Responsibilities that your kids can take over:

Waking up on their own in the morning. - The more supportive you are about your child having a consistent sleep schedule, the easier this is for everyone!
Getting dressed in the morning - If this is hard, lay out the clothes the night before. If there are clothes you don't want your 4-year-old to wear to school, store them somewhere else. It's ok for them to be creative.
Putting their dirty clothes in the hamper.
Making their bed - Keep it simple. It doesn't have to look like Martha Stewart came through.
Picking up their room each morning and evening - This may get harder during the teenage years, but if you limit how many things live in their bedroom, this should take 2-5 minutes each morning and evening. For example, we don't keep toys in the bedroom. The only items ending up on the floor are stuffed animals, books, and clothes. Stuffed animals can be thrown back on the bed or in a basket. Books can get thrown on the dresser or bookcase. And, clothes can land in the hamper (where they should have been in the first place - HA!)
After each meal, bring their dish to the sink / As they get older, place their dishes directly into the dishwasher.
Wipe the dining table after each meal.
Vacuuming a specific room/area - You could create a schedule for when each child needs to vacuum each room/area. You likely will need to do this if you have pets. Personally, I have found it more effective to have my daughter vacuum when she makes a mess (ugh, glitter). This takes the vacuuming responsibility off my plate and lets her see the natural consequence.
Picking up their toys. Your preschoolers are doing this at school! Put the cleanup song on and watch them go!
Putting their clean laundry away. - Their drawers don't need to be neat. Just separated by category.
Doing their laundry. - You don't want your college freshman dying all of his clothes blue on the first week of school.
Scheduling their doctor appointments & adding them to the calendar.
Scheduling tutoring sessions & adding them to the calendar.
Coordinating their transportation for their activities.
If they get a car, have them take care of the car maintenance.

*You may have noticed that the above list of responsibilities are mostly single-task-oriented items that should not take long. It's best to have kids complete responsibilities on a regular schedule that are quick. Your kids should not have to spend an hour cleaning their room on a Saturday morning. Instead, they should spend 2-5 minutes once or twice a day.

Think of yourself as "The Manager". You are supporting your team in meeting their goals and responsibilities.

There should be rewards for a job well done and natural consequences for not following through.

When possible, It's best to decide on the rewards ahead of time, as well as the natural consequences, and to make sure you clearly communicate it to your kids. For example: “Harper, if your room is not picked up before you leave for school today, you will not have access to your iPad this evening.”

If doing their own laundry is their responsibility and they decide to leave it until they have no more clothes, then that's their decision. And they will reap the natural consequence. I think it's great to support them in brainstorming solutions that they are open to trying. Maybe a laundry schedule would be helpful? Or adding a “what clothing will be needed this week” to the Family Meeting discussions. Make sure they know you are there to help, not judge, and let them take the lead.

I know this is easier said than done. I also know, from both personal experience and from working with busy families, that supporting your kids to learn new Life Skills and Responsibilities is well worth the effort!

Ready to Get Started?

If you feel excited about implementing this strategy and want some additional accountability and support to get started, the It’s All in the Planning Starter Pak was designed for you!

get started

A Note from Happy Spaces

The goal is to add value to your life. If you think this project will add value:

Estimate how long you think it will take. I would recommend doubling the time you estimate.
Look at your calendar over the next week and pick a date and time to get started.
Make an appointment on your calendar for the estimated time.
If you estimate that completing this project will take longer than one hour, I recommend doing it over multiple days. This will support you in getting started!
Prior to starting this project, take a few minutes to make a step-by-step list of EVERY action you need to take to complete this project.
It's not all or nothing. You can choose to implement only the parts of this project that add value to your life.
An Accountability Partner can be a great support in following through on your goals and commitments.

We understand how challenging it can be to implement new habits and systems. For additional support please go to HappySpacesBySarah.com.

Creating a life you don't need a vacation from! ®

Sincerely,

Sarah Weingarten

Meet Sarah

Growing up as the oldest of nine siblings in Upstate New York, I learned to use organization to create sanity among the chaos. Today, I work together with individuals, families, and small businesses to create habits, systems, and spaces that support their needs, goals, and dreams. Clients often refer to our work together as "life-changing" and "better than decades of therapy". What I love most about my work is the lasting impact it has on real people's lives. Nothing makes me happier than hearing the many success stories of clients I have worked with.

Don't Let Your Kids Fool You!