Choose "Your People" Wisely
Photo by Elizeu Dias on Unsplash
Every Thursday, I share one action, habit, or project you may want to undertake in order to improve your health, happiness, and sense of well-being.
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PROJECT OF THE WEEK
Choose “Your People” Wisely
As humans, we need social connections. In fact, "Neuroscience suggests that we are neurologically wired to connect with others."
There are many benefits to social connection, including:
Lower Anxiety
Lower Depression
Improved Emotional Regulation
Higher Self-Esteem
Higher Levels of Empathy
Improved Immune Systems
Did you also know that humans are "pack animals"?
We often make decisions based on the actions of those we surround ourselves with.
It's commonly recognized how important it is to surround yourself with people who care about you and want what's best for you.
What is less talked about is the importance of surrounding yourself with people who have similar goals, work ethics, and identities.
Getting Started
We have focused these last few weeks on how to build strong financial habits.
If this is something you want to make a part of your identity, it's important to surround yourself with others who also value financial security. If all your friends commonly spend above their means, it's going to be challenging to be the only one working to live within a budget.
If you are working hard to create a healthy future for yourself and your family, it's important to surround yourself with individuals and families who are also health focused. Connecting with friends while hiking, at the playground, or for a picnic supports one identity; connecting with friends while going out to eat or binging Netflix all day, supports a different identity.
If you are working to grow yourself and your passion, it's important to surround yourself with people who share your growth mindset and work ethic. If the people you are surrounding yourself with are constantly complaining about their job and feel like there is nothing they can do to change their situation, they are not going to create the environment you need to grow and develop your passion.
Looking forward, it's really valuable to ask yourself if a new connection is going to support the identity you are working to build. There are many amazing people out there that may not be the right fit for where you are in your life. And, that’s okay!
What about all the amazing people in your life that have different priorities?
I’m sure there are wonderful people in your life currently that don’t necessarily support where you want to be. This could be a friend since grade school or even - gasp! - your siblings or other family members. There’s nothing “wrong” with the relationship. This just means your relationship will now look different than it has before.
Change is hard. While it's important to be sympathetic to your friends and family as they adjust to your new identity; it's equally important to directly address any perceived comments or actions that you feel are working against your goals.
You will likely need to have a conversation about the identity you are looking to build for yourself and set some new boundaries and expectations around what that looks like.
Schedule a conversation to brainstorm ideas for activities you would both like that fit your new identity. You may also want to discuss activities that you have commonly enjoyed together, and that no longer support the identity you are working to build for yourself. For example, you always meet the same college friend monthly for drinks after work. But, you’ve decided to drink less and move more. Could that drink now be an after-work walk, followed by a stop at your new favorite juice bar?
We commonly hear that it's best to lead by example. If you want your kids to eat healthier, you need to start eating healthy first.
Choosing who you surround yourself with, supports you in making changes, while others lead by example.
Who are "your people"?
Happy Spaces Tips & Tricks
Be aware of any unsupportive comments or actions that may be directed at your new behaviors or habits and how this affects your thoughts, stories about yourself, and actions.
If your friends and family are not willing to be supportive, it's important to recognize this. How important is the relationship if they can't support what is best for you?
Ready to Get Started?
If you feel excited about implementing this strategy and want some additional accountability and support to get started, the It’s All in the Planning Starter Pak was designed for you!
A Note from Happy Spaces
The goal is to add value to your life. If you think this project will add value:
Estimate how long you think it will take. I would recommend doubling the time you estimate.
Look at your calendar over the next week and pick a date and time to get started.
Make an appointment on your calendar for the estimated time.
If you estimate that completing this project will take longer than one hour, I recommend doing it over multiple days. This will support you in getting started!
Prior to starting this project, take a few minutes to make a step-by-step list of EVERY action you need to take to complete this project.
It's not all or nothing. You can choose to implement only the parts of this project that add value to your life.
An Accountability Partner can be a great support in following through on your goals and commitments.
We understand how challenging it can be to implement new habits and systems. For additional support please go to HappySpacesBySarah.com.
Creating a life you don't need a vacation from! ®
Sincerely,
Sarah Weingarten
Meet Sarah
Growing up as the oldest of nine siblings in Upstate New York, I learned to use organization to create sanity among the chaos. Today, I work together with individuals, families, and small businesses to create habits, systems, and spaces that support their needs, goals, and dreams. Clients often refer to our work together as "life-changing" and "better than decades of therapy". What I love most about my work is the lasting impact it has on real people's lives. Nothing makes me happier than hearing the many success stories of clients I have worked with.