Connect First
Photo by MXCaptures on Unsplash.
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PROJECT OF THE WEEK
Over the past few years, I’ve been diving deep into the world of parenting, especially when it comes to parenting through trauma.
I’ve learned so much along the way, but the more I discover, the more I realize there’s still so much to learn.
What fascinates me the most is how these new skills don’t just make me a better parent—they also help me become a better coach, family member, and friend.
Of all the insights I’ve gained, the most valuable lesson I’ve encountered—and one that nearly every resource emphasizes—is the importance of "Connect First."
But what exactly does that mean?
Getting Started
Connection means showing genuine understanding, empathy, and mutual support.
It can’t be faked.
Sometimes, connection looks like sitting together in silence for a few moments, allowing both people to calm down from whatever just happened.
Other times, connection is asking how the other person is doing and simply listening until they’re ready to open up.
At times, you may need to do something physical together in a new environment—like taking a walk outside or grabbing lunch—to help rebuild the connection.
In every coaching session, I aim to connect with my client before diving into action. I want to know how they’re feeling, what’s been going on in their life, and what’s on their mind. Once we’ve connected, then we can focus on taking action.
If you try to take action before connecting, you risk missing the fact that they’re not in the right headspace. In that case, they may not be ready to learn and grow.
The best part? Often, taking the time to genuinely connect can actually shift their headspace in a positive direction.
In parenting, there are plenty of times when you need to address what’s not working and discuss better choices. These conversations should only take about 30 seconds—but how often do they escalate into big fights?
In our house, prioritizing connection before having those conversations has made a huge impact. Not only does it usually keep the conversation brief, but it also ensures that we’re both regulated and in a space where we can learn and grow together.
So, how long does it take to connect before having the conversation? At home, it could be 2 minutes, an hour, or even more.
But what about the workplace?
When meeting with an employee about a new project, do you take a few minutes to connect first, then dive into the project details? If you do, they’ll likely feel more engaged and present, which leads to a more productive conversation and a stronger project kick-off.
Now, when you need to talk to an employee about an area where they’re struggling, the instinct is often to just get it over with. While it might seem easier in the moment, this approach is often counterproductive.
Connecting first shows that you care about them as a person, which increases the likelihood they’ll hear your feedback without getting defensive or shutting down.
Remember your goal: If your objective is for the employee to learn and grow (or at least understand the expectations and where their performance is lacking), they need to be in a place to listen and process what you’re saying.
This conversation may need to happen in two parts: First, connect. Then, address the issue.
As a leader, it’s your responsibility to gauge the best approach. If the team member becomes defensive or exhibits body language that suggests they’re shutting down, suggest taking a day to think things over and reconvene to brainstorm solutions.
When you meet again, they’ll have had time to process. Be sure to start the meeting with a genuine connection. Ask how they’re doing and listen to them. This connection will pave the way for a more productive conversation about next steps.
As an employee, you may be wondering: Can I initiate a connection with my boss? Absolutely! But keep in mind that, as adults, this is a two-way street. The other person needs to be willing to connect as well.
If they’re not open to connecting, it could hinder the growth of your relationship. At that point, you may need to consider whether or not you’re okay with that.
What I love most about "Connecting First" is the profound impact just a few moments of genuine connection can have on the body, the mind, and the nervous system.
Happy Connecting!
Ready to Get Started?
If you're feeling excited about putting this strategy into action and could use a little extra accountability and support, the It’s All in the Planning Starter Pak is here to help! Designed to set you up for success, it’s the perfect tool to keep you on track and moving forward.
Let’s make progress together—because great results start with great planning!
A Note from Happy Spaces
Our goal is simple: to add value to your life. If you think this project will be helpful, here are some steps to set yourself up for success:
Estimate how long it will take—then double it. Giving yourself extra time helps reduce stress.
Schedule it on your calendar for the week ahead. Setting a specific date increases follow-through.
Break it up if it will take more than an hour. Tackling it in smaller steps makes it more manageable.
Make a list of every action needed before you start. A clear plan helps keep you on track.
Do what works for you—you don’t have to complete every part, just what adds value to your life.
Find an Accountability Partner—having support makes it easier to stay committed.
We understand that building new habits and systems can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. For additional support, visit HappySpacesBySarah.com and let’s make organizing and planning easier together.
Creating a life you don't need a vacation from! ®
Sincerely,
Sarah Weingarten
Meet Sarah
As the oldest of nine kids with two working parents, I grew up juggling many responsibilities at home. Organization and time management became my lifeline amidst the chaos.
I attended the Cornell Hotel School and pursued my childhood dream of working in the hospitality industry. In 2016, I launched Happy Spaces, combining my passion for structure and efficiency with helping others.
I love working with students to develop essential organizational, time management, and study skills. These skills empower them to reach their full potential, build confidence, and create a future they feel good about.