Are you Late?
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Every Thursday, I share one action, habit, or project you may want to undertake in order to improve your health, happiness, and sense of well-being.
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PROJECT OF THE WEEK
I recently took this amazing training with Dr. Ross Greene on Collaborative and Proactive Solutions.
The idea is to work together with kids (or anyone really) to understand the problem and find a realistic and mutually satisfactory solution. His book, The Explosive Child is a great starting point. And, no, your child (or co-worker) does not need to be explosive for this to be a game changer.
One of his mantra's is "Don't be late." By this, he means you need to go back to the original problem and solve that.
While this seems so simple, I feel like this is where we often get it wrong.
Getting Started
Below is an example of a recent problem in our house where my first instinct was to solve the late problem.
As I walked out of the bathroom, my daughter threw a wooden hair brush at me, hard enough that it snapped and broke on the floor. I became frustrated because she threw the hairbrush, which was both dangerous and caused damage. But her frustration started long before the brush was thrown.
When I sat down and thought through what happened, below are all the frustrations that build up and caused the behavior that then frustrated me.
We had gone into the bathroom to begin our nighttime routine.
She had finished showering and brushing her teeth calmly.
As we do every night, she started brushing her hair, while I took out my contacts.
While brushing her hair, she got really frustrated.
That didn't phase me. We all get frustrated. I told her it was fine to stop and I would help her when I was done.
But she didn't stop and her frustration rose.
Then she started yelling at me.
I calmly asked her to take a few breaths and redo her words.
She was able to redo her words kindly, but then slammed the door as she exited the bathroom.
As I left the bathroom a few minutes later, that’s when she threw the brush.
Immediately, the problem I wanted to solve was her throwing the hairbrush (and eventually, that action does need a response).
After taking a few moments, I realized that was LATE. Very LATE.
The problem we needed to solve was difficulty brushing her hair.
We did solve it together. It's been two weeks and so far so good! :-)
What's interesting is that I feel like I am referencing this mantra all the time.
A student having trouble getting to class on time. The early problem is the student can't turn off the video games to go to bed before 3:00AM.
Making an unhealthy food choice while going out to dinner. The early problem is that I hadn't made the time to eat a protein filled lunch.
Frustrated and stressed that you have to create and give a 30-minute presentation in 4 hours. The early problem is that you didn't take the two minutes to add the presentation to your calendar, when you originally read the email from your boss.
"If you solve the early problem, often the late problem goes away." Dr. Ross Greene.
What is currently frustrating you? Is it LATE?
Ready to Get Started?
If you feel excited about implementing this strategy and want some additional accountability and support to get started, the It’s All in the Planning Starter Pak was designed for you!
A Note from Happy Spaces
The goal is to add value to your life. If you think this project will add value:
Estimate how long you think it will take. I would recommend doubling the time you estimate.
Look at your calendar over the next week and pick a date and time to get started.
Make an appointment on your calendar for the estimated time.
If you estimate that completing this project will take longer than one hour, I recommend doing it over multiple days. This will support you in getting started!
Prior to starting this project, take a few minutes to make a step-by-step list of EVERY action you need to take to complete this project.
It's not all or nothing. You can choose to implement only the parts of this project that add value to your life.
An Accountability Partner can be a great support in following through on your goals and commitments.
We understand how challenging it can be to implement new habits and systems. For additional support please go to HappySpacesBySarah.com.
Creating a life you don't need a vacation from! ®
Sincerely,
Sarah Weingarten
Meet Sarah
Growing up as the oldest of nine siblings in Upstate New York, I learned to use organization to create sanity among the chaos. Today, I work together with individuals, families, and small businesses to create habits, systems, and spaces that support their needs, goals, and dreams. Clients often refer to our work together as "life-changing" and "better than decades of therapy". What I love most about my work is the lasting impact it has on real people's lives. Nothing makes me happier than hearing the many success stories of clients I have worked with.